Destiny Washington Essays - DraftBagrii Olga, DraftWantate Dennis

Destiny Washington Professor Amaris Eng 310 26 March 2018 Bondage While still having breath in our bodies, it is impossible to escape the endless lessons that life throws our way. Sometimes we feel we have it all figured out, until something or someone comes along and shatters that. Growing up, I bounced around quite a bit. Therefore, it altered my opinion of what love is. I was filled with disappointment , emptiness and rage. I couldn't unde rstand why someone that created me did not want me. I remember trying out for my schools track team. I had finally found something that could potentially turn into an outlet for me. I was ecstatic. The adrenaline rush that emerged from a high of happiness had taken over me. For the first time, I felt like I had accomplished something. My parents would finally be proud of me. Prior to leaving practice, they put out the list for athletes that made the final cut. As I glanced at the list, I was surprised to find my name not on it. The high I was on was instantly trumped by defeat. That feeling of not being enough was too familiar. I was in the top 5 percentile of female athletes, yet I did not make the cut. I went to the coach, demanding answers to why I was left off the list. She then told me, my grades made me ineligible. I finally utte red the words I had been suppressing for the past five years. " How can you expect me to keep my grades up when I want to die every day ?" The family secret was no longer a secret. I wasn't sure if I should feel relieved or scared . I can remember being covered with goose bumps while removing my clothing for pictures. T he bright flash startled me every time the officer took a picture. My back was still aching from the previous beating. The bruises on my neck and back were healing but still visible. The officers were shocked to see the amount of bruises and cuts that were covered by my striped pink turtle neck. My two year old sister was also brought to the hospital to be interviewed and photographed. After all the evidence was documented, I assumed I'd return home to my parents. Instead my sister and I were taken to a group home facility. My sister only stayed for a week, and then was released to her grandmother. I however, resided there, and started my journey again back into foster care. At that moment the feeli ngs of not being enough became one of many battles. In the midst of bouncing around from home to home, I found it rather difficult to form attachments with the foster parents, let alone the other children in the homes. There was a strong sense of disconnect, and the feeling of not belonging. Throughout my stays at multiple homes I was conflicted. The feeling of wanting to get attached, and also not knowing what love was, forced me to always search for something that I wasn't even sure existed. Against all odds, I ended up in a home where I resided for 6 years. Early on, in this home I expected to be put out after my third month of living there, since this was the norm in the other homes. My foster mother shattered the pattern I had grown accustomed to. She taught me things about myself, parented me and loved me. The feelings of being worthy of love, was a feeling I struggled with, since the love I was now receiving was not of my mothers. It was not until I became a mother myself and occasionally reflect back upon my childhood that I realize what my mother's sole purpose in my life was. After so many years of unanswered questions, and confusion, I realized my mother's purpose in my life was to carry me to full term, and have someone else raise me. It was never in her cards to raise me, for it would have done more damage than good. In life we think we have things figured out until someone or something